


Pound by Pound

by ryanismyname



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anorexia, Bullying, Depression, Eating Disorders, Gen, triggering maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 06:18:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryanismyname/pseuds/ryanismyname
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John gets bullied at school for his weight. He decides to do something about it. (no pairing, but johndave if you squint) Beware, there be graphic depictions of an eating disorder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pound by Pound

**Author's Note:**

> My apologies for any inaccuracies in my depiction of suffering from an eating disorder. I dont have one, nor have I ever. Though I have been in a mental hospital.  
> Just a short little something I wrote. I've been researching eating disorders and got inspired to inflict pain on one of my favorite characters. (like I tend to do with my writing).  
> Anyways, enjoy.

Fat fat fat fat fat. That’s what they all say. I’m so fat that I’ll clog up the hallways. So fat that I break scales. Better stop pigging out on everything in sight. Its hard being fat. So many people around that are smaller than you. So much more desirable. Heck, you’ve never even been so much as asked out before. No doubt because you’re so fat. Well, expect for that one time, but she started laughing in your face after she asked you out. Joking. Right. Because I obviously don’t have feelings like everyone else. Either that or they just don’t care. More likely they just don’t care. You could vanish off the face of the earth and they’d probably all just laugh. That’s what they do. Laugh and laugh and laugh. Well you know what? I’m done. I’m done being the fat kid that everyone laughs at. I’ll show them. I’ll be even skinnier than they are. I’ll be more desirable, more wanted, more liked. I’m done being ridiculed. 

\------

Today is the day. Day One of my diet. Right. No more cakes, no more pies, no more burgers, no more fries. I’m gonna eat healthy. 200 is a big number. Gotta knock that sucker down. Got to exercise too. Today I’ll go for a nice long walk. I’ll be better then. It won’t take too long. At least until some results start to show. That will be awesome. 

Alrighty. Today I for breakfast I just had a banana, for lunch I had a chicken salad, and for dinner I had some vegetable stir-fry. Sometimes it helps having a good cook as a dad. I explained that I wanted to start eating healthier and he was very understanding. He even broke out an old cookbook of healthy foods from back before the cakes and all that. And today I didn’t snack either. I would normally eat a snack after school, but today you decided you didn’t need it. Over all, a very good day. 

\------

Day Five. I’ve been doing pretty well so far. Haven’t broken yet. Still eating healthier and less. Still going for walks to help burn those calories. Today I noticed that my shorts were a tad bit bigger than they normally are. Could it be? Could I really be getting thinner? What a wonderful day. So great to be seeing results so soon. On Monday I’m going to weigh myself again. Hopefully a bit less than last Monday. I told Rose, Dave, and Jade about my plan. They were very supportive to say the least. They said that it was awesome that I’m getting into shape. I hope that I can make them proud. Pound by pound, you’re getting a little better.

\------

Day Fourteen. My diet has been trudging along at a pretty slow speed lately. I’ve lost 8 pounds since I started, but its not enough. 192. I want to be at least 150. Probably less if I can manage it. I decide to step it up a notch. Maybe the pounds will go away quicker if I skip a meal and run instead of walk. That should do it. All this fat just hanging off your frame is repulsive. Fat fat fat. I’d shave it off with a knife if you could. Too much fat. Fat fat fat. God, I’m such a fucking pig.

\------

Day 21. Its still not enough. Still so much fat. I’m only down to 181. Its still not enough. I’m deciding to only eat lunch. And a small one at that. I’ll just tell Dad that I want to eat in my room and toss it. Or maybe just say that I’m still full from lunch. That’ll work. Still so much fat. I can’t wait until I’m skinny. Can’t wait. Dave said that he could tell that I’m losing weight. Can he not see? I’m still just a fat pig like I’ve always been. But that’s okay. I’m getting better. Day by day. Pound by pound. 

 

\------

Day 35. More More. Don’t eat. Watch the calories. I’ll be there soon enough. I’ve had to get some new clothes. Still fat though. Still only 156. Gotta be skinnier. Still see that tub of lard attached to my abdomen. Fat fat fat. Rose told me that she’s getting a bit worried. She says I’ve become too obsessed with losing weight. She’ll see. I’ll be skinny and she’ll see. They’ll all see. Skinny skinny skinny me. Light as a feather. No more shouts in the halls. No more nasty notes passed in class. I’ll be as thin as can be. Just you wait.

\------ 

Day 42. I don’t eat anymore. Eating is for pigs and fat people. I wont be a fat person anymore. 148. I’ve hit a plateau. I haven’t been able to lose any more. 148. 148. Just what the scale tells me every fucking day. Fat fat fat. I’ve started cutting. Maybe if I punish myself enough I’ll stop being such a fucking pig. Pound by fucking pound. I’ll get there. You bet your ass I’ll get there. Thin as a fucking rail.

\------ 

Day 43. Ate a whole large pizza today. Then threw it up. 150. 5 nice neat little red lines across my left thigh.

\------ 

Day 56. 126. Still too much. Jade and Dave don’t talk to me anymore. Dad’s been busy, but I can sense that he is worried. Rose told me that I look fine. She says that I’m plenty thin enough. It’s not true. My bmi is 19.2. Healthy. Healthy is just another word for pleasantly plump. I need to be skinny. My average intake per day is around 70 calories. I try to burn at least 100.

\------ 

Day 63. This morning my dad told me that I need help. I’m losing weight far too fast and I think of little else. Rose must have told him her concerns. I stormed out and went to school. I sit alone these days. Occasionally Rose, Dave, or Jade glance back at me worriedly. It doesn’t matter to me. They’ll take me back when I’m skinny. Everything will be better when I’m not so fat anymore. Today the scale told me I was 116 pounds. Underweight. Finally. I rewarded myself with a small glass of apple juice. Today I didn’t cut.

\------ 

Day 67. Today I passed out while doing running and ended up in the hospital. I refused to eat the food they gave me. They’re feeding me through a tube. I can feel those icky calories seeping into my system. Can’t they see that I don’t need them? I’m fat enough already. The only way I’m going to lose weight is through not taking in calories. And they won’t let me exercise either. Dad is here. I could hear him crying when he thought I was asleep. I hate to make him cry. Maybe I have a problem after all. 

\------ 

Rose, Dave, and Jade came to visit me today in the hospital. Separately of course. Rose was happy to see that I was getting help. Jade told me that she was scared that I was going to die. Dave cried at my bedside. I feel guilty for letting them down. I was just trying to be better. Maybe with their help I can be better. Healthier. 

\------ 

As much as I hate to admit it, I need to gain weight. I’m too skinny. Dr. Scratch told me that a healthy weight for someone like me would be around 130. I’m currently at 114. They’re putting me in a mental hospital so they can keep an eye on me and make sure I get the help I need. I’m nervous. I hope that I can have visitors. I hope I wont have to stay for too long.

\------ 

Its really not too bad, here at the Green Sun. Not bad at all really. Its just kind of annoying that the tech has to watch me like a hawk while I eat. Apparently I’m not allowed to leave any. That’s okay though. I’m getting better. And all the other kids here are helping too. They’re very supportive and accepting of me. Dad and Dave came to visit today. They miss me. Dave told me about school and I told Dave about what its like here. Dad tried to bring a cake, but they wouldn’t let him. I’m almost happy now. Not quite, but I’ll get there. 

\------ 

I’m getting better. Pound by pound. Getting better.


End file.
